The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
