So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
