Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
