i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
