..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
