New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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