I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
