I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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