he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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