You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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