She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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