i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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