Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
