I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
