i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
