I'm so fucking centered right now
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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