I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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