Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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