based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
