sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
