someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
