I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
