I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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