please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she told me i tasted like america
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
