Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just invented taco cereal.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
