We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
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I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
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And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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