He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
