just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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