We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
