I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
