I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
