i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
