Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You left your phone here
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