so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize