Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
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