Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
only you would photoshop your dick
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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