so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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