Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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