I accidentally had phone sex last night
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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