Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
