Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
