im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Enjoy the penises
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
