You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
