You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Buhtt sex?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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