my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
