so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
