i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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