I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
