blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
