so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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