Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
