Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
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What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
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I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.