so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?