it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.