Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.