Nicole vs. Life
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.