I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
