That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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