i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
