I can tuck mytits in my pants
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
