.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
