I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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