thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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