you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it because I queefed?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
