i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
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i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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