If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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