she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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