I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
