I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
