Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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