Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
