I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
