last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
